I'm up no later than I normally am, but tonight I'd like to be asleep. Without going into unnecessary detail, I feel like I do whenever this time of the month rolls around. Being a girl sucks at this time. I hate feeling this emotional, this on edge. It's like I'm one second away from an emotional explosion, whether it be sadness, or anger, or... well, usually something negative. I don't expect myself to burst out in laughter any time soon. No, right now I'm nostalgic and uncertain. I miss people that I willingly and forcefully said good bye to. Why? Is it really just that emotions are turned up and I may only miss them a bit? Or that I miss them all the time but now it bothers me?
I don't know. I am happy to report that I have several commissions and have 3 hats ready to give to their buyers.
Graduate school scares me, as does responsibility in general. I'm terrified of the realities that come with growing up, but at the same time I crave to be taken seriously.
I think I'll take my medicine tomorrow. It's the only way I'll get anything done. I mean, I've kind of accomplished things. Knitting things, anyway. And I made a list of people who want me to knit them something. Grad school is my real goal, though. I need to focus on that and all of its hoops.
Oh! But I have gotten a job opportunity, however modest. A friend of a friend needs a babysitter Tuesdays, Thursdays, and possibly Saturdays. It'll be from ~5 to ~10. That is, her class is in Paris, she lives in Martin, and... yeah. Something like that. I don't know the age or gender of the child. Quite honestly, I hope it's a girl and under 5. I like that age group, de babies, and it's easier to work with girls. Maybe I just relate to them better. I doesn't know. It's not much-- 15 hours a week at the very most, but it's something.
I wish I knew myself better. And I wish my hands would stop itching. GRRRR
7 comments:
I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems. If there are people you have thrown away, and you miss them, you can always find them again. All you have to do is look.
Thank you. It's a bit complicated, like it often is with ended relationships. I appreciate your insight, though.
Oh my, no. Nothing in life is complicated unless you make it so yourself. If you miss someone you once knew, there is nothing that can stop you from regaining friendship. I myself have let so many friends slip away, and only look back with regret that I didn't do something to keep them. Don't make my mistakes
I've made them both rather complicated. I know that I miss them now, but feel that it would be selfish and childish to re-establish (ish, ish, ish) communication. I've been told that I have a problem with "not letting go."
But on the other hand, after watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" I hate the idea of forgetting or letting go things/people that've played such a big part in my life.
I'm confused about a billion things right now, this included.
well.... This is the only advice I can offer. Think hard about it. In my many years, I've gone through a lot of things. If you miss them even now, maybe your brain is telling you that for a reason?
I can assure you that I'll think about it. Overthinking things is my mind's usual defense.
No, No, do you not see? that's the trap. Overthinking will just lead you in circles. And it's very easy to fall into that trap. Instead, just think. Don't let it become a struggle
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